you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
