I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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