What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
