Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
