New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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