btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
