I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
