your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
