people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
