I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
