i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
