I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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