Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
