i just had sex bonerless
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
