ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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