I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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