I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
