White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
