It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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