Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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