I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
did i just pee glitter
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