i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
