Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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