I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
