I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
