He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
