It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
