How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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