They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
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