ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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