Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
