You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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