im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
