I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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