ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
