I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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