I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
We are two peas in an std pod
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I use my feet as sexual weapons
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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