They should really pass out barf bags in church
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
