That's intense
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
