So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I AM VODKA MAN
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
