nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
