I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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