and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
