Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
