Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
We named our party play list daddy issues
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
