Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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