My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
