Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
we made out on top of his cat.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
