happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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