I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize