I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
